Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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