did you get engaged???
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Randomize
