So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
