Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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