Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Panties = found
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
