Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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