It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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