he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
40s are totally the cure
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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