just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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