he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
