I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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