Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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