no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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