i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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