Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize