i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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