All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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