I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
