He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
