I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
