Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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