Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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