puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize