I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
