Pants 0. Shit 1.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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