yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
