my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
