I'm going to jail i love you
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize