i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
