someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
