She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
