so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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