I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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