Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
