I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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