And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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