last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
