Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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