I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
