last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
