I need help removing her.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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