Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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