It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
