Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
