As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
