nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
