see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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