I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
