didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
