I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
