Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
