the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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