Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
