Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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