Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
