Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
