had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize