Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
