I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
