Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
