if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
