Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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