Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize