I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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