So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
How external is "for external use only"?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
