my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
