Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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