i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
