Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize