Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
