My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
