i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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