You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
