Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
