You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
