I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
