I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
