i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
