He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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