I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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