I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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