i jhust puked up my retainher.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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