btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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