What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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