Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Say something about gay babies.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
