oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Randomize