HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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