I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
