My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
