Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize