Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize