dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
