Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
