You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
