I wish I only lived at night.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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