it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
