well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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