Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
