I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
