eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
