my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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