He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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