Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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