Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
