So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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