you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
